Singleness: Promises.

“We’ll pray for God to send your husband your way soon.” “Pray for your future husband.” “Your period of singleness is preparing you for marriage – just stay strong.”

…Do any of those phrases sound familiar, single ladies?

Today I read a post on Tumblr saying something like this: “God will bring the perfect person into your life, just continue to wait and save your heart.” I am so exhausted (and a little bit aggravated) from hearing and reading those well-meaning but misleading words.

I mean, stepping back, that statement I read on Tumblr sounds pretty dang good – if we’re faithful, God will give us the man (or lady, for all you men reading this) of our dreams. Totally rockin’. …But from what I’ve been reading and from the content I’ve been digging into lately, I’m not quite sure that’s how it plays out. I’ve been thinking and meditating and learning, and I mean, really thinking and really meditating and really learning, on what God’s will is for singles and for married couples. I want to get out some of the truth I’ve gained from doing so that will hopefully encourage all of you fellow singles, but I don’t want to sugar-coat it all and follow suit with the somewhat cliché lines that Christians tend to feed to single Christians.

In the majority of church events I’ve attended related to topics on purity and relationships and in the majority of books I’ve read that discuss Christian dating/relationships, it always seems like people are saying God said  “Oh, I’ve got just the right someone picked out for you,” or “Yep, you’re getting saved for someone special.” But hold up, stop the press. Having read through the entire Bible and having read over and searched for topics in it related to marriage/dating/etc. lately, unless I’m completely missing something, I don’t see God promising any kind of marriage for me in my future.

That being said, one major thing I DIDN’T miss is that God DOES say He has a plan for my life: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). …I think a lot of the Christian community (myself included) is guilty of putting words in God’s mouth based on that verse – many of us would like to think that, because God has promised that He has a plan for our good, that means we are promised a happy and romantic life.

David talks about how God knit him together in his mother’s womb in Pslam 139 and goes on to talk about how his unformed substance was seen in God’s eyes and written in His book before he was even knit together; in that same passage, he also talks about how God knows the words he is going to say before they even reach the tip of his tongue. And as we mentioned in Roman’s 8, we are once again reminded of God’s intricate plan for His children. His plan is “for our good” – His plan is to mold us into the image of Christ – we are on a constant journey in this life to BECOME pure and Christ-like.

So yeah, for quite a few of us, I think God’s plan includes those white dresses and vows and first dances. Marriage is such a great thing and I think we should all be super duper thankful for – it illustrates the love Christ has for His bride – God uses it illustrate His love for us to others, as well as to the married couple. But yo, singles, we can’t delude ourselves into thinking that God has promised all of us that blessing. Heck, let me be honest – the advice that I'm constantly fed insinuating that it actually IS a promise (“God has the perfect spouse made for you, but you need to trust Him in that”) can really make me feel like I’m doing something wrong sometimes – like, “Oh, okay, I must be spiritually inadequate because hey, I’m still single here and He hasn’t magically poofed that custom-designed male into my life yet.” 

A quote from “Are You Waiting for ‘The One’?”:

"‘I detest when people say that after they got their priorities in order and truly gave dating and finding a mate up to God, then God provided a soul mate,’ wrote one woman. ‘It puts terrible guilt and pressure on a single person who is not in a relationship: not only must there be something physically wrong with them to make them turn off members of the opposite sex, but something must be spiritually wrong too.’”

There have been times in my life where I’ve wanted nothing more than to be a young bride. And I can tell myself that desire for companionship is a-okay, after all God has placed in us those desires for community – those desires for each other and desires to get married. But  I can’t place my hope, my security or my comfort in that dream (or desire) of mine. Instead, and as hard as this is for me at times, I need to lay down my dream and desire before the Lord daily and say “Not I, but You,” and trust Him with whatever He wills. Because I am promised that His decisions, no matter their outcomes, are for my good, regardless, singles, of whether or not this includes a future spouse. And being single DOES NOT mean you are lacking in Spiritual maturity.

Oh, but wait, Psalm 37:4 says to “Delight yourselves in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  Man oh man, what a beautiful thing. But I think if we’re not careful, it’s really easy to look at this promise in a way we tend to look at the promise in Romans 8. I think it’s easy to go, “Well, all right then God, so if I love You and if I pray for the (insert the name of that cutiepie you think is a big cutie here) look alike of my dreams to just walk into my life, then it’s totally going to happen and I’ll have a cutie-patootie who will love me forever and ever!”

Negative.

Sarcasm aside, I’ve been learning that Psalm 37 is a call for me to straight up get on my face before the Lord and not shape my life to match up with my desires but rather shape my heart to desire the right things. Because when my heart can truly delight in the Lord, that’s when my heart will start to desire the things that He desires for my life. So instead of it being about letting go and trusting God with my future spouse, it’s really moreso about trusting God with my future. We all must have realistic expectations that come along with our desire for marriage – we can’t comfort ourselves with lies.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I John 4:8: Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

It doesn’t matter if you’re married or you’re single. In either situation, you get to experience perfect love just as God intended you to – through Him. 

Singles, you are single right now for a purpose, and that purpose is to serve and worship Christ with all your being. Stop waiting around. Live your life. Serve Christ. Serve others. Proclaim the gospel. Maybe you’ll meet a guy (or girl, men) along the way. And if you don’t, you’ll meet people who can pour into you and you’ll meet people you can pour into – You will build and develop relationships regardless. However, in either case, God will still be the object of your attention and you will be content serving Him. 

You can live a fulfilling, God-honoring life of love if you ARE married/dating someone and you can live a fulfilling, God-honoring life of love if you ARE NOT married.