Feelings that come along with singleness.

It seems like singlehood is a topic that keeps getting thrown in my face this week. So I’m going to write a lot about it in the following weeks because I think it’s important we learn to embrace and cherish being single and NOT detest it.

 When I was a little girl, I never associated being alone with being rejected – being alone gave me time to combine my imagination with my pokemon toys and stuffed animal cats. To be honest, I don’t even think the idea of rejection ever crossed my mind until my late middle school years. Regardless, while I don’t necessarily seek out time to play with toys anymore, I still love finding time to get away from the world for a while – the freedom that being alone brings about is great. However, if I’m not careful, my heart will overanalyze and fool myself into thinking that being alone means being rejected. On far too many days, I fail to embrace the joy that singleness brings to my life due to the painful realization that I am alone because I am no one’s favorite.

While it sounds trivial and it’s embarrassing to vocalize, there are days when I feel like the state of singleness is a state similar to that middle school gym class where two kids are picking teams and you just keep standing there from the other side of the room, watching your friends get picked, and wondering “hey, when will I get picked too?”

 It would be super duper for everyone to have a position as some other person’s favorite.  I think the pain of rejection in singleness comes from a somewhat unbalanced nature of relationships to begin with. I have people who I love dearly and are my favorite people – my top priorities outside of Jesus. However, the thing is, some these favorite people of mine have significant others, spouses, best friends, etc. And so, logically, I’m not their favorite. And that’s painful.

It all boils down to the fact that you and I are broken people. We are insecure, afraid, and we were created with a longing for worth to be spoken into us by something other than our own voices – the thing is, that position of power isn't held by human beings – no person on this earth should have the power to speak into us value or worth in such a way that it SECURES rather than SUPPORTS our identities.

Jesus talked about the danger of securing our identities based off words of affirmation from others. Our world wants to convince us that it’s valid to want or even need that affirmation in our lives, but Jesus would argue otherwise. Yes, words of affirmation are wonderful, but they should not be wanted or even received in such a way that it fills deficiency in us. Jesus says that when affirmation from others adds to our sense of self, it robs us of our abilities to be satisfied in Him. If we want to know why we aren't content in our singleness, it’s probably a result of us not relying fully on Jesus for satisfaction -- chances are we are probably only wanting to receive affirmation from others around us and not from God.

In John, Jesus gets up in the Pharisees’ business criticizing them because they were 1) seeking affirmation from men and (2) they were not seeking that affirmation from God. Jesus asks in chapter 5 verse 44: “How can you believe (or be satisfied), when you receive glory from one another and do not seek the glory that comes from the only God? So let’s get real here. Jesus is asking the Pharisees how can they be fully satisfied by God when they are relying on the attention of man to add to their value? How can we be satisified if we aren’t defining ourselves only by God’s truth? There is only one Person who can speak worth into us in such a way that it fills our insecurities and fears. 

One of the biggest blessings I've experienced so far that comes from singleness is learning how to deal with those feelings of rejection and insecurity. It’s such a relief and incredibly convicting to be able to tell yourself “I am hurting not because I am single but because I am relying on others more than I am relying on God.”

Here’s a little bit of something I read today:

“If you are no mortal man’s favorite, you are in good company. Apart from much of the world’s population, you’re in the company of Someone who was ‘despised and rejected by men’. This Someone refused to receive glory from men and instead, He desired glory knowing that perfect peace and love came from His Father.”

 So, hey all you fellow singles, don’t waste the feelings that come along with singleness and the learning lessons and opportunities for growth they provide us with. God has designed this beautiful season of life to be one where you get to constantly ask yourself, “All right, so who do I turn to now?” When you need affirmation as someone who is single, you have no spouse or significant other to turn to. And chances are, your friends’ lives will constantly be changing, which further narrows down your where-can-I-go-for-genuine-affirmation options. Those limited options are the beauty of singlehood – you will find that, at times, you have no other options for affirmation besides Him (which is actually wonderfully planned out because learning to depend on Him now for everything prepares you for potential future relationships). If you want affirmation you must trust God to provide it.

Singles, don’t be ashamed of your insecurities and don’t try to cover them up or ignore them by meditating on encouragement from the people around you. Turn to God and be upfront about your feelings – “come as you are.” Yes, Godly encouragement from friends and loved ones is important, but let no one but God convince you that you are worthy and loved. Let His words fuel you and your desires, not the words of people around you. Let the affirmation of God fuel your role in your calling, your community,  and your church – not the affirmation of the people in those settings. Because I truly believe that the more we set our hearts on God and His glory, the more of an asset we will be to furthering His kingdom and loving the the broken and hurting around us.

A challenge I give to myself as well as other singles is that instead of looking around on a Sunday and wondering why no one cares for you, have affirmation in your heart from Christ that instead allows you to seek out people to love without fear – not seek out people who can love on you. Oh, how our friendships might change if we were loving others not out of deficiency and a desire to be loved back, but loving others out of the abundance of love and acceptance we can receive from Christ. Let only God convince you that you are loved and lovable -- then, all other love is a gift, and someone choosing not to love you doesn't change the truth of who you are.

To try and tie it all together, I think some of the same feelings we have when we struggle with singlehood are the same feelings God has when we neglect him. Being single gets even the “strongest” Christian down every now and then – we want someone to tell us we’re worth it, we want someone to love us for who we are and we want to be adored. But I firmly believe we are designed to desire those things because our very Creator desires those things from us.  God wants to know that He is worth the sacrifices we make when we die to our flesh.  He is our pearl of great. He wants us to love him not just for the things he does for us but because he is God and he is Love and he is perfect. He wants to be adored by His people -- He wants all the earth to praise His name. And that occasional longing for romance all of us single people feel ? Yeah, God wants to be romanced as much as we do.

Favorites: "A Finger, Two Dots, Then Me"

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"I will love you till there is no till. Till I die. And when that electroencephalogram shuts down baby, that's when the real lovin' kicks in." 

"I'm sure I'll take the light wonder bombs to the point in the universe where sound does end -- the back porch of God's summer home -- and it's so quiet there you float, and it feels the way cotton candy tastes." 

"Feeling God in a pool hall but not church -- holy...Losing your watch in the sea and all that that signifies -- holy."

"The universe will bend. The planets will bow. And I will say, 'Oh, there you are. I been waitin' for ya. Now we can go.' And the two pilot lights go zooooom into the black construction paper night."

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I've always loved poetry. Going to my first spoken word poetry night in middle school took the poetry experience to a whole new level and now cinematic spoken word is taking it even further. Derrick Brown is one of my favorite incredibly talented beat poets (he's performed with bands such as the Cold War Kids, the Decemberists and the Flaming Lips, for all you music lovers), and his poems never disappoint. "A Finger, Two Dots, Then Me" is one of my favorites poems of his -- it's been over three years since the Holechek Brothers put it to video, and it still remains one of my favorite spoken word pieces. Enjoy.

///// If you're pulling up this page from a mobile phone, some won't load the youtube video at the top of the post. You can access the video at this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcoMiGiDRjg ////////

FIRST POST.

Trying this blog thing again.

Hi, I'm Victoria. I'm 20 years old ( but I turn 21 in October so 'ya know, I'm super grown up ) and I'm a college student who takes photos of too many things and types out too-long instagram captions in notes on her iphone. //  In January, I thought I started up a blog on tumblr, but I realized that blogs take up a bit more time than I originally thought -- within the first week, I noticed that I was taking more time to type out posts on tumblr than I was taking time to write in my own personal journal; I had an issue with that so I quickly backed off of the idea. However, over the past months, I have (finally) established a good routine in regards to balancing out work and quiet time and life in general. Because I like expressing my thoughts through writing and I'm sure people are tired of scrolling through my halfway thought out captions on other social media sites, I'm giving the blogging world another go.

Before typing up this post, I copied and pasted a few posts from my old tumblr page. That way this page won't be completely barren until I post other things. I hope you guys tune in and offer your own opinions and feedback when I offer up mine.

ALSO. David Crowder's  new album  "Neon Steeple" is so good. 

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··· My head knows the path that I must take but my heart is one tough muscle. There’s a quote that says, “God will not do by miracle what I am to do by obedience.” I sure wish He could do this miracle. Obeying is hard.

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//Time to make a new note-taking notebook. It’s kind of crazy, because in my first notebook I’ve got notes from my 1st year of Passion, and in my second, I have notes from my 2nd year of Passion. Maybe this 3rd one will follow the same trend. Starting it off right with notes from the Passion City service at 5 this afternoon, at least.
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"I, Jude, am a slave to Jesus Christ and brother to James, writing to those loved by God the Father, called and kept safe by Jesus Christ. Relax, everything’s going to be all right; rest, everything’s coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!" Jude 1:1-2, MSG.
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Happy Sunday, guys!

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// P A S S I O N 2014 was wonderful. Looking forward to processing my notes from the conference and doing some application tomorrow. Until then, a John Piper quote from session 5 this afternoon: “God is totally committed to treating you better than you deserve.” So thankful for that undeserved mercy and grace. 

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20,000 college students and leaders come together with praise in their hearts and a desire for God’s renown. Watch out world, because God’s continuing to doing amazing things through the Jesus Generation. 

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1.9.14

Missed opportunities to witness and spread the love of God have been weighing heavy on my mind lately. John 1:5 tells us that “the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

 If darkness is overpowered by light, then why is there still darkness in our cities? If there are Christians in our cities, then how is it that the darkness still prevails in them? I don’t think the battles within our cities are ones between light and dark. Instead, I believe the battle is whether or not believers will keep their baskets over their lights or take them off.  We live in a world where many believe we can get the benefits of Jesus dying on the cross without surrendering to it. Our generation has created a religion in which we think we can know about God and still be “Christians.”

So in a society where people believe being a fan of Jesus is enough to get the benefits of having a relationship with him without actually having one, what do we do as followers of Christ to shine our lights to our cities? I believe the key to taking off our baskets and shining our lights is our passion for God.

You can’t claim to have entered into the Presence of God without being moved to do something afterwards – whether it be talking about your experience, making a decision, travelling somewhere, etc. We experience Spiritual highs for a purpose, not just for our own enjoyment and pleasure. While only Jesus can transform hearts, as the church we must be the hope on earth that shares Jesus with everyone we can out of our passion for Him. We are the church body. And bodies move.

John 15:9
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.”

When we abide in God’s love, our passion for Him is continually renewed. To quote John Piper, “The key to Christian living is a thirst and hunger for God. And one of the main reasons people do not understand or experience the sovereignty of grace and the way it works through the awakening of sovereign joy is that their hunger and thirst for God is so small.”

abide ➸ awakening.

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FOLLOWING GOD COSTS US, BUT OUR SACRIFICES ARE REWARDED.

1 Chronicles 21:24:
NIV: “But King David replied to Araunah, “‘No, I insist on paying the full price. I will not take for the Lord what is yours, or sacrifice a burnt offering that costs me nothing.’”

I checked out 12 Stone Church this morning and while the sermon focused on David and how his comfort led to him counting the wrong things and hurting the people of Israel as a result, this verse stuck out to me today while reading the chapter.

It’s easy for us to sacrifice things that don’t cost us much, but harder for us to sacrifice things that cost us something or even everything. The dictionary defines sacrifice as “the act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to get or do something else or to help someone.”
David realized that the true way to worship wasn’t through “sacrificing” things that didn’t belong to him or things he didn’t want, but through giving up your whole self to God.

I’m reminded of a quote from one of my favorite books, “And The Bride Wore White” by Dannah Gresh:  “I only know one thing in this world that is free, and that is God’s loving forgiveness. But that short parable that Jesus told about the merchant and the pearl of great price says that to really pursue God, know God, and love God may require selling all that you have. God asks that we trade in all the fake pearls of our life to buy the real pearl. In Luke 14:33 He says, ‘any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.’” 

Matthew 13:45-46:
MSG: “God’s kingdom is like a jewel merchant on the hunt for excellent pearls. Finding one that is flawless, he immediately sells everything and buys it.”
NIV: “The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

Everything costs something, and some things cost everything.

Nowadays, I don’t think we “get” the value of pearls because we live in a culture that creates them synthetically. However, in the culture that Jesus lived in, it was a different story; back then, the only way to find a pearl was to dive into the ocean and find mollusks…like, truckloads of mollusks.  In fact, it’s estimated that a guy had to crack open 15,000 of the babies to find just one pearl – and even then, it may not have been one of great value. So, how many mollusks would a person go through just to find that precious pearl of great value? It was so rare of a find that often a man had to sell everything he had – land, servants, home, livestock – just to have enough to buy one pearl of great price. …Are we willing to pursue Christ with such a passion and such sacrifices?

The costs of “fake pearls” can be great. For instance, giving your body away to someone might someday need to be paid for in the form of a pregnancy, or giving your heart away could end in heartache and a spiritual low. Sometimes, even seemingly “good” things can be fake pearls if they haven’t been cultured into the real thing.

…what are the fake pearls in your life? Lust? Outright sex? Running with the wrong crowd? Language? Materialism? Anger? Take a moment to stop and be upfront with God – tell him what you’re struggling with and ask him to help you surrender them to Him and sacrifice them as your burnt offering. But also trust Him to replace them with something far better as you stop making payments on a fake pearl and start making them on the pearl of great price.

So, here are 5 things that have been emphasized for me tonight:

• 1. There is a pearl of great price. 
• 2. We have to seek it. 
• 3. We are commanded to purchase it. 
• 4. It costs us everything. 
• 5. It is worth the price. 

[He costs everything. He is worth the price and sacrifice. ]
[You cost everything. You’re worth the price and sacrifice.]

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(Colossians 1:9-10) I’ve decided that trees are amazing. Knowing what we know about gravity, trees should look much different than they do. We’d assume the first tiny sprout of a tree should just crawl along the ground, not end up towering into the sky. So what does a tree tell us about God or about ourselves? •God creates things that defy their natural surroundings. I think we are called to be like trees. We live in a fallen world — there are constant forces around us exerting pressure to bring us down. However, God’s purpose for us is to rise toward Heaven and Christ-likeness despite the world working against us. Just as a tree grows upward in opposition to gravity fulfilling its God-given purpose (thanks geotropism), Christians are to grow upward in opposition to sin. •We grow like trees. I’ve never seen a tree struggle to become what God designed it to be or heard one groaning from its efforts to grow. What does a tree have to do to fulfill its purpose? Simply stay connected to the ground. That’s it. God provides everything it could ever need. If tree decided to become a bird, it would be in trouble — as soon as it leaped from the ground and severed its connection, it’s die. ||The world often tries to convince us we should be something other than a tree. It’ll beckon us to leave our ground and turn into something we’re not. But if we simply stay grounded, we’re guaranteed to become just what God wants us to become. [Sometimes my temptation can be wanting to grow too fast for my structure to bear. However, if I simply abide in Christ and stay grounded in Him, I’ll mature into what He wants me to be, just like a tree. I won’t have to struggle for it in my own power, or try to make myself into something that I am not; I’ll become what I was made to become and follow God’s design for me.] 

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[2014] - JANUARY 1ST.

A lot of the times, I feel like I expect God to push me outside of my comfort zone and to do so, it means I have to go out and experience new places and be put in situations. My few close friends know that I don’t have many Christian friends and because of that, I long for the community of other believers. My journal entries throughout 2013 are full of prayers asking for opportunities to make new Christian friends by moving away from Georgia, but I still find myself in Georgia, in the same situation, and a little discouraged as I’m praying the same prayers as this year comes to a start.

There’s an old story about a little fish who tugs at his mom’s fin and says, “Mom! We’ve got to go find the ocean!” “My sweet son,” replies the mother fish, “the ocean is all around you.” God’s love and how God works is like that. He is working all around us, but often we get set on seeing the end result of what we’ve been praying about, we’re unaware of this fact. We get so caught up on finding our major, or finding a job, or finding friends that we get tunnel vision and fail to see the little things that are being placed in our lives to prepare us for what we’ve been praying so intently on.

One of my main goals in 2014 is to be content with where I am and where God has placed me.  Instead of focusing on asking for things in the future, I want to be able to focus on the present and what God’s trying to change now, not what’s He’s trying to change in the future. I want to become more aware of situations and people that God is placing around me I may overlook.

Be still in the presence of the Lord this year and let Him assure you that He is working behind the scenes to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.

“We know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him. They are the ones God has chosen for his purpose,” Romans 8:28.