Fifty Shades of Grey and Intimacy.

(Usually I read back over my posts to make sure I'm not too all over the place or to make sure what I think I'm saying makes sense, but for this one, I didn't...because it's 2 AM -- so here's an apology for any awkwardly phrased sentences or typos you may find below!)

Seeing all the excitement about the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer has been weighing heavy on my heart lately. I've heard so many women at the bookstore I work in be like “where’s my Mr. Grey?”, seen so many tweets about how it’s “deliciously scandalous” and I've seen a plethora of comments about how people wish certain scenes in the trailer could happen within their own relationships. And man oh man, it’s just super disheartening to see that THAT is what people have been waiting for -- to see intimacy displayed on a giant screen in front of millions, and  to, quite frankly (and ironically), take all the intimacy out of it in the process.

I guess what I’m essentially upset about is that, in our society, the beauty of sexual love is being camouflaged by big fat lies. And it’s no surprise that this is Satan’s doings -- that, because of him entering the scene, lies have entered into it as well. John 8:44 tells us the true character of Satan. The devil “was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks with his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” So to sum it up Satan is a big fat liar who dishes out the big fat lies we see all around us in the “popular culture” of today. And I think some of his favorite big fat lies tend to relate to our sexuality because of its powerful symbolism.

In the book, “And the Bride Wore White,” Dannah Gresh compares the way Satan lies to you and me about sex to the way he lied to Eve and Adam about the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. This is her reasoning behind that comparison: “God’s word tells us that everything in the Garden of Eden was created by God’s own hand. It also tells us that He is incapable of making anything NOT good. So, it is very possible that the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil would have had an interesting and noble purpose had Even simply waited for God to reveal it to her in His time. Interesting thought, don’t you think? Sex is like that. Is it such a good and wonderful thing that God has created if we wait for God’s timing to enjoy it. Satan knows that one of the most beautiful things in the world is the sexual union between a husband and a wife when they wait to enjoy it after their wedding. Satan wants to rob us of that. So he lies to us. Satan looks at our sexuality much like he looked at Adam and Eve’s Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil – he is threatened by it and will do anything to see that we misuse it.”

I feel like Fifty Shades of Grey just further promotes Satan’s widespread lies about sex and intimacy. It’s so easy for the people Satan preys on to buy into lies like “church is boring,”  “scripture reading is boring,” “discussing the Bible with other Christians is boring,” “loving God is boring,” etc., view a trailer of a movie like Fifty Shades of Grey with a mind saturated with those lies, and then think that the “intimacy” Fifty Shades of Grey showcases to the world is a lot more exciting that the intimacy that Christ offers us.

And I can only imagine how God must feel when we choose other things over Him as a result of this, therefore giving up true intimacy that only He can provide us with.

I think one of the most accurate portrayals of how He might feel and how He reacts to us giving into Satan’s lies is located within the story of Hosea and his wife. The Lord chose Hosea (whose name, by the way, means deliverance or salvation – and that’s a pretty cool thing to note, so keep it in mind) to become a living parable (which is just neat in general). Hosea, a prophet, loved God so much and so appreciated the undeserving love that God showed to His people, that he agreed to marry Gomer, a prostitute. So! Hosea took Gomer to be his bride even though her heart was far (far far faaaaaar) away from his own. Then, after Gomer gave Hosea three kids, she returned back to her old life of prostitution. Eventually, Gomer became bankrupt from this lifestyle and she was forced to sell herself into slavery. And this is where good ol' Hosea comes back into the picture! With unwavering commitment, he purchased Gomer’s freedom and then brought her back home. There, even after all she had done, he continued to pursue her with undeserved and undying love. Finally, his affection was returned and intimacy was established between them.

I think  our current culture, as well as each individual one of us at times, is a lot like Gomer. We reject the Love right in front of our noses and instead accept and lean into lies and temptations, finding ourselves empty, unfulfilled and bankrupt as a result – then we must resort to selling ourselves to masters that can only offer up more counterfeit intimacy, counterfeit lust, counterfeit success, counterfeit  reputation, counterfeit possessions, etc. These things promise us peace, but fuel emptiness (and oh, how Satan must rejoice in that lie and its outcome). All the while, during all of this, our Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ, has not only paid the price for us, but he is pursing us and He is patiently waiting to take us into His heart to establish true intimacy (NOT counterfeit intimacy) with us there.

And that, I think, is what threatens Satan the most in regards to intimacy. One of my Sunday school leaders from when I was in middle school said that intimacy was “into me see” – that, by sharing and blending our heart with someone else’s, we can “see into” who they really are and they can “see into” who we really are. Once you truly know Christ and you become intimate with Him, you can’t give into Satan’s lies because you know the comfort and fullness of joy found in Christ alone. When you know and are intimate with Christ’s heart, Satan’s lies have no power over you.

Satan’s after your intimacy and he’s after my intimacy -- and with the boldfaced lies circulating in our world today about sex and relationships, it hurts my heart to say that he’s doing a dang good job at robbing many of their true intimacy. That’s why I think it’s so important for those of us who know Christ intimately to stand firm in our beliefs our relationship with Him, which means recognizing the lies Satan dishes out, countering them with truths from scripture, and then continuing to pursue purity and pursue our relationship with Christ in every single aspect of our lives. And we do this, not just because we are asked to do so in scripture, but because God, our Hosea when we choose to act like Gomer, is always worth and deserving of it.

Psalm 18.

Psalm 18 The Message (MSG)

A David Song, Which He Sang to God After Being Saved from All His Enemies and from Saul

18 1-2 I love you, God—
    you make me strong.
God is bedrock under my feet,
    the castle in which I live,
    my rescuing knight.
My God—the high crag
    where I run for dear life,
    hiding behind the boulders,
    safe in the granite hideout.

3 I sing to God, the Praise-Lofty,
    and find myself safe and saved.

4-5 The hangman’s noose was tight at my throat;
    devil waters rushed over me.
Hell’s ropes cinched me tight;
    death traps barred every exit.

6 A hostile world! I call to God,
    I cry to God to help me.
From his palace he hears my call;
    my cry brings me right into his presence—
    a private audience!

7-15 Earth wobbles and lurches;
    huge mountains shake like leaves,
Quake like aspen leaves
    because of his rage.
His nostrils flare, bellowing smoke;
    his mouth spits fire.
Tongues of fire dart in and out;
    he lowers the sky.
He steps down;
    under his feet an abyss opens up.
He’s riding a winged creature,
    swift on wind-wings.
Now he’s wrapped himself
    in a trenchcoat of black-cloud darkness.
But his cloud-brightness bursts through,
    spraying hailstones and fireballs.
Then God thundered out of heaven;
    the High God gave a great shout,
    spraying hailstones and fireballs.
God shoots his arrows—pandemonium!
    He hurls his lightnings—a rout!
The secret sources of ocean are exposed,
    the hidden depths of earth lie uncovered
The moment you roar in protest,
    let loose your hurricane anger.

16-19 But me he caught—reached all the way
    from sky to sea; he pulled me out
Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,
    the void in which I was drowning.
They hit me when I was down,
    but God stuck by me.
He stood me up on a wide-open field;
    I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!

20-24 God made my life complete
    when I placed all the pieces before him.
When I got my act together,
    he gave me a fresh start.
Now I’m alert to God’s ways;
    I don’t take God for granted.
Every day I review the ways he works;
    I try not to miss a trick.
I feel put back together,
    and I’m watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life
    when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.

25-27 The good people taste your goodness,
The whole people taste your health,
The true people taste your truth,
The bad ones can’t figure you out.
You take the side of the down-and-out,
But the stuck-up you take down a peg.

28-29 Suddenly, God, you floodlight my life;
    I’m blazing with glory, God’s glory!
I smash the bands of marauders,
    I vault the highest fences.

30 What a God! His road
    stretches straight and smooth.
Every God-direction is road-tested.
    Everyone who runs toward him
Makes it.

31-42 Is there any god like God?
    Are we not at bedrock?
Is not this the God who armed me,
    then aimed me in the right direction?
Now I run like a deer;
    I’m king of the mountain.
He shows me how to fight;
    I can bend a bronze bow!
You protect me with salvation-armor;
    you hold me up with a firm hand,
    caress me with your gentle ways.
You cleared the ground under me
    so my footing was firm.
When I chased my enemies I caught them;
    I didn’t let go till they were dead men.
I nailed them; they were down for good;
    then I walked all over them.
You armed me well for this fight,
    you smashed the upstarts.
You made my enemies turn tail,
    and I wiped out the haters.
They cried “uncle”
    but Uncle didn’t come;
They yelled for God
    and got no for an answer.
I ground them to dust; they gusted in the wind.
    I threw them out, like garbage in the gutter.

43-45 You rescued me from a squabbling people;
    you made me a leader of nations.
People I’d never heard of served me;
    the moment they got wind of me they listened.
The foreign devils gave up; they came
    on their bellies, crawling from their hideouts.

46-48 Live, God! Blessings from my Rock,
    my free and freeing God, towering!
This God set things right for me
    and shut up the people who talked back.
He rescued me from enemy anger,
    he pulled me from the grip of upstarts,
He saved me from the bullies.

49-50 That’s why I’m thanking you, God,
    all over the world.
That’s why I’m singing songs
    that rhyme your name.
God’s king takes the trophy;
    God’s chosen is beloved.
I mean David and all his children—
    always.

"I will be loyal."

There’s a topic that’s been on my heart (and quite a few pages of my journal lately). It’s something I struggled with a lot in the past, but until recently, didn't quite realize I’d been somewhat struggling with it again – for the past view weeks, I've realized that I've been trying to fool myself into thinking I wasn't wanting for myself the blessings that God has given others.

For all you other singles out there, I think it’s really easy for us to look at all of the couples that we either know in person, hear about, see on social media, etc. who are on fire for Christ and say, “oh wow, that’s awesome, I want something like that one day.” And up until recently, that’s what’d I’d been doing. I didn't realize that my comments were being fueling by a selfish desire of mine versus being fueled by genuine happiness for the couples and what they have going for them. While I realize that admiring or looking up to couples can be a good thing and give you standards to uphold or set in your own relationships, it can also, if we’re not careful, turn into us being jealous of the couples who have something that we don’t.

Last Sunday night I turned to my journal when I realized all of my knee-jerk reaction “oh, that’s a cute couple – I want something like that one day” comments had turned into something a bit more serious than a few harmless “oh, what a great relationship they have” comments. Here’s a little bit of something I write that night:

“I know they are going to do great things for the Kingdom and for that I praise You, but God, I am jealous of what You have blessed them with. And I don’t want that emotion. Take it away from me so I can be genuinely happy for couples who are on fire for You and each other.”

It’s so very easy for us to want to do things sometimes with a mindset that focuses on us benefiting and not the Kingdom benefiting – after all, it’s human nature to focus on ourselves. We can so very often be fueled by the idea of pleasing ourselves, but allow the enemy to convince and fool us into thinking that we’re totally a-okay and being fueled by a desire to please Christ (when that’s not the case at all).

But I've been being taught that when I make efforts to intentionally shift my focus to Him and my future with Him, it makes it a lot easier to rejoice in what He is doing in and through the lives of others (including couples), because I know that it is all planned in His perfect and pleasing will – He is bringing people together for His glory and that is something I have no right to be jealous, selfish or any other negative emotion about because He knows what is best. Point blank, period.

But a lot of the times, my decision to shift my focus to Him can stem from the wrong desires. On the same night I wrote in my journal about jealousy, I also wrote this:

“Am I trying to make myself better to please Christ, or am I trying to make myself better to please others/attract a Godly man. Let this be about You because You are beautiful. Shift my focus so my end journey and moment I look forward isn’t a God-fearing best friend or a community of fellow believers or marriage or college degrees or whatever – let me live with the mindset that my goal and sole thing I am working and living for is to make You known and that I will see You one day in Your house. Let me live with that one thing fueling all I do.”

There’s this verse in Joshua  Oswald Chambers’ included in “My Upmost For His Highest” which I read last night. Joshua 24:15 says, “Choose you this day whom you will serve.” After the verse,  Chambers said a few things I think are quote-worthy and relevant:

“Will is the whole man active. I cannot give up my will, I must exercise it. I must will it to obey , and I must will to receive God’s spirit.”

“God allows the opinion of His other saints to matter to you, and yet you are brought more and more out of the certainty that others understand the step you are taking.”

“Profess to Him: ‘I will be loyal.’”

So this is what I’m learning this week so far:

• Choosing to serve Him is deliberate. You can’t drift into serving the Lord – you must make a conscious and willing decision to do so. (And yes, this includes forcing yourself to read the Bible or sit down and be quiet before the lord even when you don’t want to.)

• Choosing to serve takes discipline, and my discipline is strengthened when I continue to do things consistently that serve Him and make me more of a loyal follower of Christ.
• Don’t say “I want that in a relationship one day” when you see couples who are following God’s plan for their lives. Instead, praise God for that blessing the two people are experiencing and rejoice in the fact that they are bring the Kingdom to their city  by going after God in their relationship.

• It’s important to remind yourself that God has blessed you, He is blessing you, and He will bless you. Always.

• Reciting this verse to myself when I start to feel any kind of “I wish God could have blessed me with that like he blessed so and so” thought forming in my head has been a life-saver: “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.” (Matthew 5:5, MSG).

• Asking God to search and know my heart and all of its motives and desires daily is critically important. If there is anything He finds offensive, I must ask that he may bring that to light and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24). You must sacrifice things of your flesh in order to be loyal, but you must first be aware of them in order to do so.

Progress.

Any progress, no matter how small, is still progress.

Don't expect to see giant leaps of progress all the time.

Don't beat yourself up over the baby steps.

Rejoice in the little things.

Because no matter how small of a distance you go forward,

you're still getting closer to your end goal than you were originally.

Loving yourself, others and the movie Ben X.

I’m sitting here typing up this post with dried up tears and a sniffy nose (which, by the way, is no fun to have with a new nose piercing) because I just finished watching “Ben X.”

For those of you who have never heard of the film (I didn't know anything about it until I saw it listed on the free movies with Charter on Demand), it centers around a teenager with Asperger Syndrome who fights against his extraordinary life to fit in socially in an ordinary world. Beyond autism, themes such as violence (particularly suicide), school bullying, and social reactions to underdogs are covered in this beautifully crafted cinematic story. This is one of those oddly feel good films that will leave you sad but entertained and happy at the same time – you come out of it with a plethora of ideas about life , existence, the way we interact with each other, etc.

While I think the term “bullying” has almost turned into a buzzword of sorts and it’s used a lot of times when it shouldn't be, there’s no denying that it is a real and current issue.

Let’s put some alarming statistics out on the table: 

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. 
• Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
• Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
• A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying.10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above
• According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying

While I’m lucky enough to say that I was never bullied, there have been points in my life during high school (and even on a college campus) where people ganged up against me or people have said hateful things about certain aspects of my appearance.

Whether or not we have been physically bullied, mentally bullied, taunted, teased, talked-behind-our-backs-about, shunned, rejected – we can all agree on one thing: Words hurt. Period. It doesn’t matter if it’s coming from one person or more than one person or if the words are getting slammed on you for one day or a period of months. No matter the situation, when people try and convey their dislike towards you or something about you, it can be damaging and the effects of it can last for longer than you would think.

I don’t recall ever being self-conscious about my body until a few kids in my 8th grade class decided to nickname me “dumbo” and  “thunder thighs” for a few weeks. Since then, I don’t think a day has gone by in which I don’t have to look myself in the mirror and fight against those nicknames that are still etched in the back of my mind today with truths about my self-worth, appearance, and identity in Christ.

There’s this verse that I love in 1 Corinthians; it’s highlighted in all of my Bibles, but I think The Message translation sums it up the best:

 “Don’t be so naive and self-confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence.”

I have confidence that a God who took the time to create such beautiful little things like stars was deliberate and precise with His design of me. If stars are just giant balls of fire placed in space by God and we are knitted together in the womb by Him, just think of how truly beautiful we are. We are all masterpieces created purposely by God and an Artist always admires His work (so we should too).

Back in high school, I didn't really rely on the truths from the Bible that I do know to find my self-worth and love myself. I was one of those kids who wrote a lot – and a lot of my (angst-filled) writing was posted in facebook notes (totally old school, I know).  I think my self-reliance on creating my own self-confidence is incredibly evident in some of the facebook notes I wrote around 2010/2011, but there’s a few tidbits from the notes that I want to copy and paste into this post:

January 18, 2010 : “Today someone asked me, "If you could be anyone in the world, who would you be?"

And I surprised myself by saying, "I would be me." More times than not, people get down on themselves because of what others think of them. Some people bring others down just to make themselves feel better. Most of the time it's more of a personal thing within them & has nothing to do with the person they are directing their negativity at. I know, it's human nature to doubt ourselves. Sometimes it takes another person to reveal to us how valuable our life actually is, & how meaningful & purposeful it can be. We have to learn to be completely comfortable in our own skin, without praise from anyone, &  love ourselves  unconditionally.  If we can't fully love ourselves, we can never fully love another. I've realized that, by just focusing on the positive things in life, rather than the negative, I'm happy with who I am. Because, if we focus on positive things, we have positive attitudes. With that being said, shine brighter than you ever have. View the world through different eyes, through eyes of love, not eyes of hate. Be thankful for each breath you take,& be thankful for each other. I'm thankful that I'm alive, I'm thankful I have a God that loves me, & I'm thankful for all of you. You all make my world go 'round. And chances are, you make the world of someone else go 'round too. I love you. So love yourself.”

March 2, 2010: “Everybody has problems, everyone needs attention, everybody needs love, but don't ever come to a last resort that involves hurting yourself. Life always has a second outlet, but you have to figure it out. You have to figure out what makes you happy and fulfills you in life.  And if you are self-conscious, your life isn't going to get any better by moping around about your looks. If you don't think you are beautiful then you're dumb. If you are in a human form you are so very lucky because you could've been born an ugly Clofdorp on planet Ching Chong. You're beautiful; don't believe the hype.  You only have one body, so take care of it. I challenge you to find your own definition of beauty.”

June 9, 2010 : “I'm shy around new people, awkward, and I laugh way too much. But I realized something, 

That's okay. There is nothing wrong with being the way I am. I'm happy with myself. I may not be the most outgoing or attractive girl in the world, but I don't have to be. The first step to me being happy is accepting myself for all that I am -- the good, the bad, and everything in the middle. If you can't accept that, you're not worth my time.”

Basically, I want you all to know that you matter and that you’re pretty dang amazing (because humans are pretty dang amazingly crafted creations, if you think about it – think about it -- ). And I can promise you that you’re not the only person in the world who has struggled to be happy or love yourself as a result of what another person (or people) have said or done to you.

All of this being said, back to my original intention for this blog post: I ordered “Ben X” on Amazon a few minutes ago and want to pull a modern “the sisterhood of the travelling pants” act with it. When it arrives in the mail, I’m going to write a few things about how I’ve overcome negativity from others in my past (and how I still continue to do so) in a super thin notebook and stick it with the DVD’s case. And then I want to send ‘em out in a package to one of you guys, and you can send it out to someone else once you add in your story (or the story of someone you know) to the notebook/see the (93 minutes long) movie, and so forth. I think being able to read little tidbits of how others have overcome negativity in their lives can be super powerful as well as inspiring. So let's be a generation of people who aren't afraid of being transparent and real with each other knowing that it's through those things that we can bond and build each other up.

(LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO SEND THE DVD AND NOTEBOOK YOUR WAY. Since I'll obviously only have one notebook and one DVD, it'll be first come, first serve. But the super great thing is that, if my thinking is correct with this idea, they'll hopefully get cycled around to whomever wants 'em).