Loving yourself, others and the movie Ben X.

I’m sitting here typing up this post with dried up tears and a sniffy nose (which, by the way, is no fun to have with a new nose piercing) because I just finished watching “Ben X.”

For those of you who have never heard of the film (I didn't know anything about it until I saw it listed on the free movies with Charter on Demand), it centers around a teenager with Asperger Syndrome who fights against his extraordinary life to fit in socially in an ordinary world. Beyond autism, themes such as violence (particularly suicide), school bullying, and social reactions to underdogs are covered in this beautifully crafted cinematic story. This is one of those oddly feel good films that will leave you sad but entertained and happy at the same time – you come out of it with a plethora of ideas about life , existence, the way we interact with each other, etc.

While I think the term “bullying” has almost turned into a buzzword of sorts and it’s used a lot of times when it shouldn't be, there’s no denying that it is a real and current issue.

Let’s put some alarming statistics out on the table: 

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. 
• Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
• Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
• A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying.10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above
• According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying

While I’m lucky enough to say that I was never bullied, there have been points in my life during high school (and even on a college campus) where people ganged up against me or people have said hateful things about certain aspects of my appearance.

Whether or not we have been physically bullied, mentally bullied, taunted, teased, talked-behind-our-backs-about, shunned, rejected – we can all agree on one thing: Words hurt. Period. It doesn’t matter if it’s coming from one person or more than one person or if the words are getting slammed on you for one day or a period of months. No matter the situation, when people try and convey their dislike towards you or something about you, it can be damaging and the effects of it can last for longer than you would think.

I don’t recall ever being self-conscious about my body until a few kids in my 8th grade class decided to nickname me “dumbo” and  “thunder thighs” for a few weeks. Since then, I don’t think a day has gone by in which I don’t have to look myself in the mirror and fight against those nicknames that are still etched in the back of my mind today with truths about my self-worth, appearance, and identity in Christ.

There’s this verse that I love in 1 Corinthians; it’s highlighted in all of my Bibles, but I think The Message translation sums it up the best:

 “Don’t be so naive and self-confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence.”

I have confidence that a God who took the time to create such beautiful little things like stars was deliberate and precise with His design of me. If stars are just giant balls of fire placed in space by God and we are knitted together in the womb by Him, just think of how truly beautiful we are. We are all masterpieces created purposely by God and an Artist always admires His work (so we should too).

Back in high school, I didn't really rely on the truths from the Bible that I do know to find my self-worth and love myself. I was one of those kids who wrote a lot – and a lot of my (angst-filled) writing was posted in facebook notes (totally old school, I know).  I think my self-reliance on creating my own self-confidence is incredibly evident in some of the facebook notes I wrote around 2010/2011, but there’s a few tidbits from the notes that I want to copy and paste into this post:

January 18, 2010 : “Today someone asked me, "If you could be anyone in the world, who would you be?"

And I surprised myself by saying, "I would be me." More times than not, people get down on themselves because of what others think of them. Some people bring others down just to make themselves feel better. Most of the time it's more of a personal thing within them & has nothing to do with the person they are directing their negativity at. I know, it's human nature to doubt ourselves. Sometimes it takes another person to reveal to us how valuable our life actually is, & how meaningful & purposeful it can be. We have to learn to be completely comfortable in our own skin, without praise from anyone, &  love ourselves  unconditionally.  If we can't fully love ourselves, we can never fully love another. I've realized that, by just focusing on the positive things in life, rather than the negative, I'm happy with who I am. Because, if we focus on positive things, we have positive attitudes. With that being said, shine brighter than you ever have. View the world through different eyes, through eyes of love, not eyes of hate. Be thankful for each breath you take,& be thankful for each other. I'm thankful that I'm alive, I'm thankful I have a God that loves me, & I'm thankful for all of you. You all make my world go 'round. And chances are, you make the world of someone else go 'round too. I love you. So love yourself.”

March 2, 2010: “Everybody has problems, everyone needs attention, everybody needs love, but don't ever come to a last resort that involves hurting yourself. Life always has a second outlet, but you have to figure it out. You have to figure out what makes you happy and fulfills you in life.  And if you are self-conscious, your life isn't going to get any better by moping around about your looks. If you don't think you are beautiful then you're dumb. If you are in a human form you are so very lucky because you could've been born an ugly Clofdorp on planet Ching Chong. You're beautiful; don't believe the hype.  You only have one body, so take care of it. I challenge you to find your own definition of beauty.”

June 9, 2010 : “I'm shy around new people, awkward, and I laugh way too much. But I realized something, 

That's okay. There is nothing wrong with being the way I am. I'm happy with myself. I may not be the most outgoing or attractive girl in the world, but I don't have to be. The first step to me being happy is accepting myself for all that I am -- the good, the bad, and everything in the middle. If you can't accept that, you're not worth my time.”

Basically, I want you all to know that you matter and that you’re pretty dang amazing (because humans are pretty dang amazingly crafted creations, if you think about it – think about it -- ). And I can promise you that you’re not the only person in the world who has struggled to be happy or love yourself as a result of what another person (or people) have said or done to you.

All of this being said, back to my original intention for this blog post: I ordered “Ben X” on Amazon a few minutes ago and want to pull a modern “the sisterhood of the travelling pants” act with it. When it arrives in the mail, I’m going to write a few things about how I’ve overcome negativity from others in my past (and how I still continue to do so) in a super thin notebook and stick it with the DVD’s case. And then I want to send ‘em out in a package to one of you guys, and you can send it out to someone else once you add in your story (or the story of someone you know) to the notebook/see the (93 minutes long) movie, and so forth. I think being able to read little tidbits of how others have overcome negativity in their lives can be super powerful as well as inspiring. So let's be a generation of people who aren't afraid of being transparent and real with each other knowing that it's through those things that we can bond and build each other up.

(LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO SEND THE DVD AND NOTEBOOK YOUR WAY. Since I'll obviously only have one notebook and one DVD, it'll be first come, first serve. But the super great thing is that, if my thinking is correct with this idea, they'll hopefully get cycled around to whomever wants 'em).