For the boy who didn't wait.

( *** Tonight at Grace Midtown they allowed for us to experience God and hear Him talk to us in our silence.  I loved that, because a) how many churches are that open to the Spirit moving and b) that’s usually how the first thirty minutes to an hour of my quiet times go – I just sit and be still. Tonight I didn’t hear anything from God at Midtown, but I definitely felt his presence and left church feeling super refreshed. That being said, when I finally got home around 12:30 a.m., I walked into the door of my house and this one phrase was immediately placed upon my heart: “for the boy who didn’t wait.” And the more I thought about it and talked to God about it, the more my heart broke for the subject. So, here I am at 2 a.m. writing out a letter when I have to be up at 6 AM for school, but I’m just too invested in this subject right now to go to sleep and write about it the morning. If you are reading this, I’m praying that you haven’t had to deal with the consequences of sexual sin, and this will encourage you to continue your battle and journey towards purity. But if you are reading this and you are dealing with them or have dealt with them in the past, I pray this will touch your heart, speak the specific words of healing you need to hear this week, and encourage you as well on your journey towards purity. All that being said, I want to give you all a heads up that this post will be a bit more mature than anything I’ve posted before – I’ll be mentioning some pretty explicit topics. ***) 

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For the boy who didn't wait,

First and foremost, you are forgiven, you are worth it, and you are loved.  If I could just say one sentence to you, this would be it. You are not unworthy of Christ’s love, you are not unworthy of desiring a “pure” partner, you are not unworthy of getting to talk about and encourage others in their journey towards purity, you are not unworthy of forgiveness, you are not unworthy because of your past mistakes -- the God of the universe says you are worth it. And he said you were worth it and let His Son die for you on the cross knowing  you would mess up. His love speaks volumes. You. Are. Worth. It.  

Secondly, I want you to know that I understand God’s grace doesn't automatically keep us away from worldly passions. Titus 2:11-14 says that “for the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.” I want you to know that I realize you can burn for Christ and still mess up and not say “no.” I want you to know I realize learning to say “no” is a learning process. I want you to know that learning processes always involve mistakes. I want you to know I realize that Satan strategically plans his attacks when we’re most vulnerable (and I've fallen prey to those attacks more times than I wish I could say).  And this doesn't make giving into temptation right, but it does make it awfully human to do so and then feel guilty about it – and I get that.

I’m not here to write a sugar-coated letter about how “yeah you sinned but everything is a-okay and there will be no consequences that stem from that sin and it really doesn't matter because Jesus loves you,” but I am here to let you know that your past sin doesn't define you, it certainly doesn't repel Christ-following people from you (just a side note: some of the most attractive God-fearing men I know have struggled with sexual immorality and it’s their testimony of their love for Christ and His mercy and ability to change their hearts and wipe their slates clean is what makes them so attractive), and it definitely doesn't prevent you from having a blessed and Christ-centered marriage/relationship in your future.

A lot of the time I feel like I can’t even touch on the topic of impurity because (by the grace of God) I can still say I haven’t had sex and, by the standards of the world, I should be considered  good-to-go as a Christian and, by not having sex, I’m  officially “pure.” But in Ephesians Paul says there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality in our lives – and there have been times where there was a lot more than a hint of sexual immorality in my life.

The Bible defines immorality as “any form of sexual contact outside of marriage” (1 Corinthians 7:2) and according to Hebrews 13:4, the “marriage bed” is pure and honored. So, according to the Bible, sex and any form of sexual contact, should be reserved for marriage.

Knowing this, I want you to know you’re not alone in your sexual sin – unfortunately, Satan loves to make us feel like we’re missing something and mess up our views on intimacy. And a lot of times, we give into that temptation. I've fallen victim to Satan’s lies of “oh, this isn't really sex, so it’s fine to do outside of marriage” or “oh, you want to make him happy and you want to continue to have a boyfriend, so you have to put out or he’ll find someone else” and there have been multiple times in my life where I didn't say “no” when I should have. While I may not be dealing with the consequences of having sex outside of marriage, I do have to and will have to deal with the consequences of other types of sexual sin despite the fact that I have been shown mercy and have been forgiven and renewed.

That being said, I think we can both agree that the reality of both of our sexual sin is this: we forfeit was really a good thing for something that only looked like a good thing, but turned out to be a lonely, imprisoning act of sin.

For me, one of the most encouraging stories that speaks to this reality of sexual sin but also speaks to the freeing and redeeming power of God is the story of David. A lot of the times, I think God watched David’s story unfold like a giant messy soap opera. After having sex with another man’s wife, killing off her husband, and having an illegitimate baby on the way (which would eventually die), I can imagine David was in that lonely stage of sexual sin where he was hiding from God and trying to clean up his own slate when God sent Nathan to confront him. And as soon as David repented, Nathan said “The Lord has taken away your sin” (2 Samuel 12:13). And just like that, David was back into God’s presence – His sexual sin did not prevent God from using him to speak to others during His lifetime (and even speak to us through his testimony years and years after he passed). I think a lot of times, you may think that your sin has ruined you and it’ll be stuck with you forever – but that’s definitely not the case! Did you make a bad decision? Yes; you chose to ignore God’s plan and made a lesser choice. Is that bad decision your ultimate destruction? Of course not.  Ezekiel 18:22 promises us that “none of the offenses he has committed will be remembered.” Believe that. Know God’s truth. And stick it to the man when Satan tries to fill your head with his lies. David’s sexual sin didn't define him and it didn't prevent Him from loving Christ any less – after all, he became known as the man after God’s own heart despite his past mistakes. Allow God to make a message out of your mess.

“Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” Psalm 51:5

“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

“There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins.” Ecclesiastes 7:20

God desires “that you may become blameless and pure.” Philippians 2:15

Another thing I want you to be reminded of is that you weren't born pure but  you can become pure. One of the most impacting things for me was realizing that purity isn't something we have and lose, but rather something we work towards – the notion that we “lose” our purity is nonsense and that, plus the feeling that we let God down, is what I think our guilt stems from the most.  There’s this graphic from the book “And the Bride Wore White” that I love and it looks like this:

 Stick with me here while I attempt to explain it: The little squiggle represents us. We’re on a journey towards our end goal, “purity”, but we must encounter “lust” to get to “purity.” We are walking on the spiral path towards purity, but each time we get closer to purity, we encounter lust (because we’re walking in a spiral).  The author of And The Bride Wore White says three things can happen when we encounter lust: we can get breeze past it with God’s help, it can taunt and tease us pretty effectively causing us to sin but eventually struggle past it, or we can get stuck there with it for a long time.

What I want you to get from this graphic above is this: you shouldn't feel guilty or like you’re doing something wrong if you're ever tempted to commit sexual sin again. Just because you have repented from your first bad run-in with lust doesn't mean you won’t be seeing it again – because we’re travelling on a spiral road, you’re bound to see it again. My prayer for you is that, the next time you run into it, you’ll be further away from it than you ever have been before and you’ll be able to say “hey look, you’re a part of my past and I've struggled with you before – it’s not happening again,” and give it the cold shoulder. Being tempted by something you struggled with in the past is not a sin; rather, it is an opportunity to develop your purity. Don’t be fooled into thinking you’re not making progress.

Finally, I want you to know that there is so much more to you than your sexual sin. First and foremost you are God’s son – you have been made in His image. Don’t let your past sin define who you are. While I definitely think it’s important to confess your past sin (James 5:16) to others and I believe it’s freeing to tell someone about it (I’m not saying you should write a blog post about it or that the whole world needs to know – but I’d encourage and challenge you to confess to at least one person is older and wiser than you if you haven’t – don’t give into Satan’s lie that you need to keep your sin in the dark), don’t let it become something you fixate on and what you find your identity in. Your identity is in Christ, not your past failures. There is no room for guilt or shame in the heart of a Christ follower -- he has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. Remember to embrace and rest in that truth this week. Because you’re worth it. And because God’s going to work through you and use your testimony to rock His kingdom and bring glory to His name.

Stay gold, Ponyboy.

V.