For the boy who didn't wait.

( *** Tonight at Grace Midtown they allowed for us to experience God and hear Him talk to us in our silence.  I loved that, because a) how many churches are that open to the Spirit moving and b) that’s usually how the first thirty minutes to an hour of my quiet times go – I just sit and be still. Tonight I didn’t hear anything from God at Midtown, but I definitely felt his presence and left church feeling super refreshed. That being said, when I finally got home around 12:30 a.m., I walked into the door of my house and this one phrase was immediately placed upon my heart: “for the boy who didn’t wait.” And the more I thought about it and talked to God about it, the more my heart broke for the subject. So, here I am at 2 a.m. writing out a letter when I have to be up at 6 AM for school, but I’m just too invested in this subject right now to go to sleep and write about it the morning. If you are reading this, I’m praying that you haven’t had to deal with the consequences of sexual sin, and this will encourage you to continue your battle and journey towards purity. But if you are reading this and you are dealing with them or have dealt with them in the past, I pray this will touch your heart, speak the specific words of healing you need to hear this week, and encourage you as well on your journey towards purity. All that being said, I want to give you all a heads up that this post will be a bit more mature than anything I’ve posted before – I’ll be mentioning some pretty explicit topics. ***) 

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For the boy who didn't wait,

First and foremost, you are forgiven, you are worth it, and you are loved.  If I could just say one sentence to you, this would be it. You are not unworthy of Christ’s love, you are not unworthy of desiring a “pure” partner, you are not unworthy of getting to talk about and encourage others in their journey towards purity, you are not unworthy of forgiveness, you are not unworthy because of your past mistakes -- the God of the universe says you are worth it. And he said you were worth it and let His Son die for you on the cross knowing  you would mess up. His love speaks volumes. You. Are. Worth. It.  

Secondly, I want you to know that I understand God’s grace doesn't automatically keep us away from worldly passions. Titus 2:11-14 says that “for the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.” I want you to know that I realize you can burn for Christ and still mess up and not say “no.” I want you to know I realize learning to say “no” is a learning process. I want you to know that learning processes always involve mistakes. I want you to know I realize that Satan strategically plans his attacks when we’re most vulnerable (and I've fallen prey to those attacks more times than I wish I could say).  And this doesn't make giving into temptation right, but it does make it awfully human to do so and then feel guilty about it – and I get that.

I’m not here to write a sugar-coated letter about how “yeah you sinned but everything is a-okay and there will be no consequences that stem from that sin and it really doesn't matter because Jesus loves you,” but I am here to let you know that your past sin doesn't define you, it certainly doesn't repel Christ-following people from you (just a side note: some of the most attractive God-fearing men I know have struggled with sexual immorality and it’s their testimony of their love for Christ and His mercy and ability to change their hearts and wipe their slates clean is what makes them so attractive), and it definitely doesn't prevent you from having a blessed and Christ-centered marriage/relationship in your future.

A lot of the time I feel like I can’t even touch on the topic of impurity because (by the grace of God) I can still say I haven’t had sex and, by the standards of the world, I should be considered  good-to-go as a Christian and, by not having sex, I’m  officially “pure.” But in Ephesians Paul says there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality in our lives – and there have been times where there was a lot more than a hint of sexual immorality in my life.

The Bible defines immorality as “any form of sexual contact outside of marriage” (1 Corinthians 7:2) and according to Hebrews 13:4, the “marriage bed” is pure and honored. So, according to the Bible, sex and any form of sexual contact, should be reserved for marriage.

Knowing this, I want you to know you’re not alone in your sexual sin – unfortunately, Satan loves to make us feel like we’re missing something and mess up our views on intimacy. And a lot of times, we give into that temptation. I've fallen victim to Satan’s lies of “oh, this isn't really sex, so it’s fine to do outside of marriage” or “oh, you want to make him happy and you want to continue to have a boyfriend, so you have to put out or he’ll find someone else” and there have been multiple times in my life where I didn't say “no” when I should have. While I may not be dealing with the consequences of having sex outside of marriage, I do have to and will have to deal with the consequences of other types of sexual sin despite the fact that I have been shown mercy and have been forgiven and renewed.

That being said, I think we can both agree that the reality of both of our sexual sin is this: we forfeit was really a good thing for something that only looked like a good thing, but turned out to be a lonely, imprisoning act of sin.

For me, one of the most encouraging stories that speaks to this reality of sexual sin but also speaks to the freeing and redeeming power of God is the story of David. A lot of the times, I think God watched David’s story unfold like a giant messy soap opera. After having sex with another man’s wife, killing off her husband, and having an illegitimate baby on the way (which would eventually die), I can imagine David was in that lonely stage of sexual sin where he was hiding from God and trying to clean up his own slate when God sent Nathan to confront him. And as soon as David repented, Nathan said “The Lord has taken away your sin” (2 Samuel 12:13). And just like that, David was back into God’s presence – His sexual sin did not prevent God from using him to speak to others during His lifetime (and even speak to us through his testimony years and years after he passed). I think a lot of times, you may think that your sin has ruined you and it’ll be stuck with you forever – but that’s definitely not the case! Did you make a bad decision? Yes; you chose to ignore God’s plan and made a lesser choice. Is that bad decision your ultimate destruction? Of course not.  Ezekiel 18:22 promises us that “none of the offenses he has committed will be remembered.” Believe that. Know God’s truth. And stick it to the man when Satan tries to fill your head with his lies. David’s sexual sin didn't define him and it didn't prevent Him from loving Christ any less – after all, he became known as the man after God’s own heart despite his past mistakes. Allow God to make a message out of your mess.

“Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” Psalm 51:5

“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

“There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins.” Ecclesiastes 7:20

God desires “that you may become blameless and pure.” Philippians 2:15

Another thing I want you to be reminded of is that you weren't born pure but  you can become pure. One of the most impacting things for me was realizing that purity isn't something we have and lose, but rather something we work towards – the notion that we “lose” our purity is nonsense and that, plus the feeling that we let God down, is what I think our guilt stems from the most.  There’s this graphic from the book “And the Bride Wore White” that I love and it looks like this:

 Stick with me here while I attempt to explain it: The little squiggle represents us. We’re on a journey towards our end goal, “purity”, but we must encounter “lust” to get to “purity.” We are walking on the spiral path towards purity, but each time we get closer to purity, we encounter lust (because we’re walking in a spiral).  The author of And The Bride Wore White says three things can happen when we encounter lust: we can get breeze past it with God’s help, it can taunt and tease us pretty effectively causing us to sin but eventually struggle past it, or we can get stuck there with it for a long time.

What I want you to get from this graphic above is this: you shouldn't feel guilty or like you’re doing something wrong if you're ever tempted to commit sexual sin again. Just because you have repented from your first bad run-in with lust doesn't mean you won’t be seeing it again – because we’re travelling on a spiral road, you’re bound to see it again. My prayer for you is that, the next time you run into it, you’ll be further away from it than you ever have been before and you’ll be able to say “hey look, you’re a part of my past and I've struggled with you before – it’s not happening again,” and give it the cold shoulder. Being tempted by something you struggled with in the past is not a sin; rather, it is an opportunity to develop your purity. Don’t be fooled into thinking you’re not making progress.

Finally, I want you to know that there is so much more to you than your sexual sin. First and foremost you are God’s son – you have been made in His image. Don’t let your past sin define who you are. While I definitely think it’s important to confess your past sin (James 5:16) to others and I believe it’s freeing to tell someone about it (I’m not saying you should write a blog post about it or that the whole world needs to know – but I’d encourage and challenge you to confess to at least one person is older and wiser than you if you haven’t – don’t give into Satan’s lie that you need to keep your sin in the dark), don’t let it become something you fixate on and what you find your identity in. Your identity is in Christ, not your past failures. There is no room for guilt or shame in the heart of a Christ follower -- he has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. Remember to embrace and rest in that truth this week. Because you’re worth it. And because God’s going to work through you and use your testimony to rock His kingdom and bring glory to His name.

Stay gold, Ponyboy.

V.

Fifty Shades of Grey and Intimacy.

(Usually I read back over my posts to make sure I'm not too all over the place or to make sure what I think I'm saying makes sense, but for this one, I didn't...because it's 2 AM -- so here's an apology for any awkwardly phrased sentences or typos you may find below!)

Seeing all the excitement about the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer has been weighing heavy on my heart lately. I've heard so many women at the bookstore I work in be like “where’s my Mr. Grey?”, seen so many tweets about how it’s “deliciously scandalous” and I've seen a plethora of comments about how people wish certain scenes in the trailer could happen within their own relationships. And man oh man, it’s just super disheartening to see that THAT is what people have been waiting for -- to see intimacy displayed on a giant screen in front of millions, and  to, quite frankly (and ironically), take all the intimacy out of it in the process.

I guess what I’m essentially upset about is that, in our society, the beauty of sexual love is being camouflaged by big fat lies. And it’s no surprise that this is Satan’s doings -- that, because of him entering the scene, lies have entered into it as well. John 8:44 tells us the true character of Satan. The devil “was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks with his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” So to sum it up Satan is a big fat liar who dishes out the big fat lies we see all around us in the “popular culture” of today. And I think some of his favorite big fat lies tend to relate to our sexuality because of its powerful symbolism.

In the book, “And the Bride Wore White,” Dannah Gresh compares the way Satan lies to you and me about sex to the way he lied to Eve and Adam about the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. This is her reasoning behind that comparison: “God’s word tells us that everything in the Garden of Eden was created by God’s own hand. It also tells us that He is incapable of making anything NOT good. So, it is very possible that the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil would have had an interesting and noble purpose had Even simply waited for God to reveal it to her in His time. Interesting thought, don’t you think? Sex is like that. Is it such a good and wonderful thing that God has created if we wait for God’s timing to enjoy it. Satan knows that one of the most beautiful things in the world is the sexual union between a husband and a wife when they wait to enjoy it after their wedding. Satan wants to rob us of that. So he lies to us. Satan looks at our sexuality much like he looked at Adam and Eve’s Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil – he is threatened by it and will do anything to see that we misuse it.”

I feel like Fifty Shades of Grey just further promotes Satan’s widespread lies about sex and intimacy. It’s so easy for the people Satan preys on to buy into lies like “church is boring,”  “scripture reading is boring,” “discussing the Bible with other Christians is boring,” “loving God is boring,” etc., view a trailer of a movie like Fifty Shades of Grey with a mind saturated with those lies, and then think that the “intimacy” Fifty Shades of Grey showcases to the world is a lot more exciting that the intimacy that Christ offers us.

And I can only imagine how God must feel when we choose other things over Him as a result of this, therefore giving up true intimacy that only He can provide us with.

I think one of the most accurate portrayals of how He might feel and how He reacts to us giving into Satan’s lies is located within the story of Hosea and his wife. The Lord chose Hosea (whose name, by the way, means deliverance or salvation – and that’s a pretty cool thing to note, so keep it in mind) to become a living parable (which is just neat in general). Hosea, a prophet, loved God so much and so appreciated the undeserving love that God showed to His people, that he agreed to marry Gomer, a prostitute. So! Hosea took Gomer to be his bride even though her heart was far (far far faaaaaar) away from his own. Then, after Gomer gave Hosea three kids, she returned back to her old life of prostitution. Eventually, Gomer became bankrupt from this lifestyle and she was forced to sell herself into slavery. And this is where good ol' Hosea comes back into the picture! With unwavering commitment, he purchased Gomer’s freedom and then brought her back home. There, even after all she had done, he continued to pursue her with undeserved and undying love. Finally, his affection was returned and intimacy was established between them.

I think  our current culture, as well as each individual one of us at times, is a lot like Gomer. We reject the Love right in front of our noses and instead accept and lean into lies and temptations, finding ourselves empty, unfulfilled and bankrupt as a result – then we must resort to selling ourselves to masters that can only offer up more counterfeit intimacy, counterfeit lust, counterfeit success, counterfeit  reputation, counterfeit possessions, etc. These things promise us peace, but fuel emptiness (and oh, how Satan must rejoice in that lie and its outcome). All the while, during all of this, our Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ, has not only paid the price for us, but he is pursing us and He is patiently waiting to take us into His heart to establish true intimacy (NOT counterfeit intimacy) with us there.

And that, I think, is what threatens Satan the most in regards to intimacy. One of my Sunday school leaders from when I was in middle school said that intimacy was “into me see” – that, by sharing and blending our heart with someone else’s, we can “see into” who they really are and they can “see into” who we really are. Once you truly know Christ and you become intimate with Him, you can’t give into Satan’s lies because you know the comfort and fullness of joy found in Christ alone. When you know and are intimate with Christ’s heart, Satan’s lies have no power over you.

Satan’s after your intimacy and he’s after my intimacy -- and with the boldfaced lies circulating in our world today about sex and relationships, it hurts my heart to say that he’s doing a dang good job at robbing many of their true intimacy. That’s why I think it’s so important for those of us who know Christ intimately to stand firm in our beliefs our relationship with Him, which means recognizing the lies Satan dishes out, countering them with truths from scripture, and then continuing to pursue purity and pursue our relationship with Christ in every single aspect of our lives. And we do this, not just because we are asked to do so in scripture, but because God, our Hosea when we choose to act like Gomer, is always worth and deserving of it.