04.

The corners of their lips followed the same upward direction as their eyes rising to catch mine staring. Smirking they'd ask "What? Do you think we're emo or something?" I'd shake my head, avert my gaze. "I think you're pathetic." They would take this in as their sleeves and smirks fell, some shrugging on jackets - sadness and anger being covered back up for the time being. Sometimes they look as if they've seen the relation and revelation in my eyes, and sometimes they don't get it at all.

03.

I guess I mistook that as a spark between us.

02.

This one's for you.

Because you are keeping my legs from folding.

01.

Your eyes have the glare of midnight in Manhattan yet weakness shutters in them like coins in a gutter when you stare up at me. Blink twice and affix your eyes to the ripples of the night sky. There's nothing there I can't find in your reflection.

Words are beautiful (and I'm gonna start posting more of them).

Words are beautiful.

I remember I used to carry around a notebook, recycled paper cover with lined banana paper interior, just to jot down poems and capture one-liners and write down phrases that gave me the same gratification as whispering the phrase "saying something sweet" slowly does. In high school, I wrote whenever I felt the urge to, like my body was saying "Okay, I've taken in all the information I can, you need to let it out now." And I want to do that again.

Or well, challenge myself to do that again. Because I miss it.

So! 

Starting on the first day of my winter break, I will be posting something consistently once a day for a month just to try and get back into the writing spirit. And it won't all be good -- a lot of it will be really bad -- and a lot of it will be really random -- and a lot of it will be really short -- but that's okay. Because even when words are stumbling and tripping over their own feet, they're still beautiful to me. For now, though, any post titled with a number is just a post with words that I wanted to get out and store somewhere.

Wooden Heart, Listener.

Because I will forever think this is beautiful. Give Listener's "Wooden Heart" a listen. Lyrics are included under the music player.

WOODEN HEART (SEA OF MIST CALLED SKAIDAN)


We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living
and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new starts
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because our church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on yall and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember